Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It’s triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Ugly: You’re in them

Good: You give the “birds and bees:” talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He’s a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your wife’s not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She’s a lawyer