March 2005 The Megaphone Page 6
The Red Head
A
gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body
hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left shoulder and screams, then she
pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and
screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes
her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
Submitted by . . .
Louise (Mountcastle)
Romine'56
Elwood,
IN
Wild Life
Another
year has passed and we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter and winter
seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago when life was quite a blast. Now I fully
understand about "Living in the Past"
We used to go to weddings, football games and lunches. Now we go to funeral
homes, and after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers, from parties that weren't gay. Now we suffer body
aches and whine the night away.
We used to go out dining, and couldn't get our fill. Now we ask for doggie
bags, come home and take a pill.
We used to often travel to places near and far. Now we get sore butts from
riding in the car.
We used to go to nightclubs and drink a little booze. Now we stay home at night
and watch the evening news.
That, my friend is how life is, and now my tale is told. So, enjoy each
day and live it up... before you're too darned old!
Enjoy life for what it is, and live it to its fulfillment.
Estel Harney '62
Snowbird in Mesa, AZ
Gun Slinging Cowboy
A
cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately,
the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. And when he finished his
drink, he sauntered outside and found his horse had been stolen. He went
back into the bar, and handily flipped his six-gun into the air, caught it above
his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Ok...which wun of yew sidewinders stole mah hawhs?" He yelled
forcefully....
Shuttering....no one answered!
"Aw-right, ah'm gonna have anuthur beer, an if mah hawhs aint back outside
b'd'time ah finish, ah'm gonna do whut ah dun in Texas!! And ah
don't like tuh haf tuh do whut ah dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy, true to his word,
had another beer, walked outside...and his horse had been returned to the post.
With his spurs jangling, the cowboy strides over to his horse , saddles up,
preparing to ride out of town.
Just then the bartender wandered outside and asked..."say partner, before
you go, what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said...
"Ah had tuh wawk hoam!"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"LETTER FROM A FARM KID"
NOW A SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the
Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join
up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first
cause you got to stay in bed til nearly 6am but I am getting so, I like to sleep
late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine
some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split,
fire to lay. Practically nothin'. Men got to shave but it's not to
bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmin's like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, and all
that, but weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other
regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys
that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you til noon, when you
get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go
on "route marches" which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to
harden us. If he thinks so it's not my business to tell him different.
A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.
Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The
country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags alot. The Captain is
like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown.
They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep gettin' medals
for shootin'. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a
chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shootin' at you like the Higgett boys
at home. All you got to do is lay there all comfortable and hit it. You
don't even load your cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand to hand combat training. You get to
wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful tho, they break
real easy. It aint like fightin' with that ol' bull at home. I'm
about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver
Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but
I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto
this setup and come stampedein' in.
Your lovin' daughter,
Gail
Submitted by . . .
Louise (Mountcastle) Romine '56
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