August 2006                                                         The Megaphone                                                                Page 4

Parents or Children

 by Estel Harney 

  As some have done or intend to do, or may have it done to them, I put my mother into an assisted living home this summer at her request. She wanted to be nearer to old friends and the loved ones who are in the Elwood Cemetery. I say this as I was not sure I really wanted her to live there. When I met other graduates who had their parents in the same facility, I noticed a story told that was running through my mind at the time.

  Their parents were not happy with the things at the home. Now was it the home or the choices that were made between the children and the parents? The children say what can be done with them as we do not want them in danger, and the parents say the children will not let me do what I want for me. This may sound familiar no matter which side of the fence you are on. I came across a story on the web one day and it hit very close to home. This is the jest of the story as I remember it and related it to me.

  What would I want in a parent’s position? Think of things this way:

  When one gets older and weary, try to have patience and understanding.

  When one gets dirty when eating or needs help when dressing, remember the times you were fed and dressed by them.

  When one speaks repeatedly of the same things, do not interrupt with "I heard that before," just listen. 

  When we were little they read to us the same story a thousand times till we went to sleep, and we never grew tied of hearing them talk.

  When we catch them forgetting or just not showering, don’t shame them or belittle them. Remember 

when they had to put up with a thousand excuses to get us to wash.

  When you notice their ignorance at all the new technologies, help them through the world wide webs. Remember when they taught us to dress appropriately, eat right, and fight for what was right. All of us have to learn things sometime, somehow.

  When one loses their train of thought at some moment in conversation, give them the time to recollect the memories. The most important thing is not the conversation, but being with you and having you listen to them as they did you when you were little.

  When one’s tired legs start to give out on them, allow them the privilege to walk with a cane in dignity. Don’t forget to lend them a hand as they did with us with our first faltering steps.

  When the time comes that we hear one say, ‘I don’t want to go on or live this way anymore’. Don’t get angry and say things one does not mean at the moment, someday we will understand those feelings.

  We must try to understand that age is not lived but survived. Someday we will realize that, despite the mistakes, they always wanted things better for their offspring than what they were for them and tried to prepare the way for us.

  We must not feel sad, angry, or ashamed for seeing them near us. Instead, try to understand them and help them like they did us when we were young and always by their side. Help them to walk the last steps of the way. Help them to the end of the way with love and dignity. They will pay us with a smile and the love they have always had for us in their hearts. Remember, love is a two-way street. Sometimes it is hard to live one’s life and still slow down to help others in theirs.

Estel E. Harney

W.L.W.H.S. '62