March 2007                                     The Megaphone                                           Page 7

Volume 348                                                                                                  March 2007

Super Bowl XLI

Colts 29         Bears 17

You thought you'd never see another Hall Clock.

You were deliriously overjoyed.

Only now do you realize just how much it stressed you out!!?

Notice just how restful it is to watch the marquee again.  

         . . . DISCOVER MARCH MADNESS . . . READ THE OL' HALL CLOCK!!! . . . IT MAY BE THE MOST ATTENTION YOU'LL GET . . . WOO HOO, WOO HOO HOO . . .

So close your eyes.

Image the notions stated herein are yours. 

And thank your lucky stars your life is now complete.

   . . . tick, tock, tick . . . discover March Madness . . . read the ol' Hall Clock . . . it's on the cutting edge... of mediocrity . . . twong! twang! twoingggg!! . . . a few readers may be appalled by the following . . . but don't worry . . . so was I . . . ting - a - ling - a - ding . . . legally, it's questionable . . . morally, so disgusting . . . but personally, I like it . . . whrrrr, ting - ting . . . no, no, no, you're not having connectile dysfunction . . . it's the ol' Hall Clock . . . playing hard-to-want . . .    ; )    . . . sproinggg, whrrrr . . . but no matter, it's time to move on . . . there are minds to twist . . . values to warp . . . "... and I didn't want my neighbors thinking I'd lost my calendar... or anything else!" . . . clang! clang! . . . let's just hope NO ONE (no, not the judge) gets tossed under the buss . . . why, a little buss never hurt anyone . . . *oh, wouldn't you just love . . . to have a buss route?!! . . . tick, tock, tick . . . ol' Dewey suggested, "This will be a dull Sunday. No big ball games and no Hall Clock. Do you suppose that with a little persuasion (A baseball bat might help) we might talk the Leader to maybe change his mind and put out a Hall Clock every 8 or 6 weeks. I can dream can't I? I had better go do something. Much love ands many hugs to all. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO" . . . what's with all of those open frames?!! . . . that cain't help his average none . . . well, no wonder . . . he's using a baseball bat!!? . . . get a "whiff" of that, will ya?!! . . . enough of this gutter bull . . . [now he'll be soooo happy] . . . toinggg, tock . . . Pat C. '56 added, "Hurrah! Let the Hall Clock Games begin!" . . . games? . . . whut games? . . . this -- is serious stuff . . . too serious for some . . . 'bout right for others . . . but serious nonetheless . . . tickity, tock . . . oh, Emily . . . be sure to ask your mom (Janie S. '63) about that yearbook she had to put together between her junior and senior year at ol' Willkie High . . . straight from the Megaphone (Volume 33 -- No. 1) . . . dated September 27, 1962 . . . it was reported that while at Indiana University for a week, she was "... required to compile a dummy yearbook." . . . the location? . . . they could not have picked a better spot . . . and the assignment? . . . well, someone must have known!!? . . . but I'll bet they left several people out!!? . . . bling! bong! bloinggg!! . . . what is all of this fuss about Texas?!! . . . huh? . . . oh, it's Taxes?!! . . . sheesh, it's enough to . . . toast your buns . . . hey, Taxes Toast! . . . thass whut "kuntrymusak" will do fer ya . . . yippy - kye - yie - yay!!! . . . I sure wouldn't want anyone to think I wuz pickin' on Rebecca M. '68 . . . after all, she's the one who wrote, "I hate to see the ol' HC retire, that's the most attention I get!" . . . well, how about them, Apples?!! . . . another satisfied customer . . . ting, tang, wally - wally, bing bang . . . "Wait for me, Wild Bill." . . . wait a minute minute... was that Wild Bill Elliott? . . . Wild Bill Shakespeare? . . . or Guy Madison?!! . . . ding-a-ling-a-ling . . . have you noticed . . . many of those who claim to have been forgiven . . . can't bring themselves... to forgive?!! . . . tick, tock, tick . . . but we should be very, very careful -- the last time politics and religion were mixed . . . people were burned at the stake . . . zoinggg! zot! zot! . . . it's so difficult to believe someone doesn't care for Charles Barkley . . .    ; )    . . . when asked if he'd ever been to another country, he answered, "I've been to Alabama. That's like a third world country." . . . the time has come . . . to administer drug tests to announcers . . . tick, toinggg! . . . it seemed innocent enough... "Welcome Dale [B. '71]... we'll take it easy on you... at first! But you see there is this thingy called the Hall Clock that thrives on a turned word!" . . . "...thrives on a turned word!" ??? . . . a master of the malaprop?!! . . . I can't phantom why anyone would feel that way?!! . . . woo hoo, woo hoo hoo . . . whut?!! . . . JJ?!! . . . a psychiatrist?!! . . . no, not really . . . but it definitely would come in handy . . . tickity, tickity, tock . . . squirrels? . . . did someone mention squirrels? . . . I'll only toss this in . . . all of the squirrels . . . ain't in the trees (sometimes you feel like a nut...) . . . [repeat] . . . [repeat] . . . whrrr - bing - bing . . . 

              . . . well, I see we have our usual cast of characters back with us again . . . tick, tock, tick . . . man, is that Ghost Rider a mean motorcycle... or whut?!! . . . let's see, where did I put my list of names? . . . ding - ding - doingggg . . . I opted to let Wendell L. Willkie's birthday pass me by this year . . . I'm waiting for the movie . . . and that infamous title song... "I'm Sining' in the Snow" . . . "I'm sining in the snow, I'm..." . . . well, I hope you don't get the pitcher . . . zoingggg! . . . stress?!! . . . whut's this about stress? . . . stress is when you wake up screaming . . . and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet . . . and I know there have been many, many times when the ol' Hall Clock may have... disturbed you, troubled you, pestered you, irritated you, bugged you, or gotten on your nerves . . . so today I just wanna let you know . . . I have every intention of keeping up the good work . . . whrrrr, boingggg!!! . . . some read what they thought they read . . . but keep in mind that what General Custer thought . . . had no bearing on reality . . . it was on June 24, 1876, that he declared, "I will destroy the Sioux Nation in one great blow." . . . the next day, June 25, 1876, the Battle of the Little Big Horn was fought . . . it became Custer's Last Stand . . . sooo, thinking sessions don't always pan out, brother . . . here's a little something for you to... ponder . . . (a little would seem the appropriate measure) . . . on this, the first day of the rest of your life . . . pledge now . . . do not believe . . . everything you think . . . it rarely has any bearing on reality . . . tickity, tickity, tock! . . . yeah, after all . . . you may be due for a complete defrag . . . no, not your computer . . . you! . . . Sis! Boom! Bah!!! . . . and you thought you had it bad . . . "Doc, You know you're in trouble when your wife tells you you're making too much noise on the laptop while she's trying to watch American Choppers!" . . . oh, brother . . . like we need another mean motor scooter . . . ding! whrrrr . . . whut's this?!! . . . our Saint Thomas AcWhinus claiming to be . . . ebullient!!? . . . well, it looks as if he's up to the letter e in the thesaurus!! . . . that's what sitting on the beach will do for ya -- mindless entertainment and crossword puzzles! . . . he could have stopped at "e-bull" . . . whoops, he's moved to the letter f ... he tried using, "fauxnaif" [faux-naïf] . . . at least Diane hasn't far to go . . . to observe the squirrel(s) . . . doinggg! dink - dink!!! . . . now I know you'll be interested in this one . . . a photo of Linwood School reportedly taken a few years prior to the Battle of Hastings has been uncovered . . . the photo is dated Feb. 10, 1029 . . . but since a task force led by Dilbert is looking into their continuous improvement process, I'll withhold the source . . . his feedback to me indicates it's the oldest photo he's found so far . . . but he has his fingers crossed . . . ding! ding! doink!!! . . . oh, good grief! . . . Toby Grie...uhh, Keith was bad enough . . . now we have Cowboy Crush?!! . . . if they keep practicin'... maybe one day they'll all sing together!!? . . . but then... thass "kuntrymusak" fer ya . . . hot dang, ya'all, ah swear . . . man, the Daytona 500 was a wreck before it even got started . . . and shame on them . . . there was absolutely nuthin' right . . . about anything they did . . . watch all you want for the rest of the year . . . you will not see a yellow flag come out as late as that one . . . it just won't happen . . . sorry, boys . . . it just ain't what it used to be . . . Kevin has nothing to feel bad about . . . NASCAR does . . . whrrrr, boinggg! . . . not one word . . . when the Spoilermakers spanked the IU Loosiers a few days ago . . . the bias seems so... partisan . . . Hail! Hail! . . . what a great chat with Howard Havens . . . thanks for the sentiments, Howard . . . we would have loved seeing you too . . . it was quite a compliment . . . tick, tock, tick . . . Nurse Goodbody quipped, "...while I read about cytoplasm, neurons, axons, or what ever I needed to know for anatomy. I read it as if I were reading a child's book." . . . obviously then, it was in the right hands . . . Hee Hawwww . . . whut?!! . . . you can get light-headed. . . playin' a Tonette?!! . . . I guess carryin' that flute around all of those years did little . . . to prepare her for a Tonette . . . harrumphfttttt . . . gettin' one of those things was a misteak . . .  but Meggy is mesmerized!!! . . . boing! boing! . . . there must be a fine line between "astronaut" . . . and "astronut" . . . man, was she ever "astronaughty" . . . maybe she didn't get the "flakey" memo!!? . . . "Don't be flakey." . . . smelt?!! . . . well, it would depend on the usage . . . it could be a noun . . . more likely a past participle . . . in this instance . . . I doubt he smelt that one coming . . . boingggg! bing! . . . whew!?? . . . this one startled me for a second. . .  it appeared to be . . .  French . . . "Res melius evinissent cum Coca" . . . oh, yeah? . . . well. . .  Iway amway, ereforethay Iway inkdray Epsipay . . . for all of you little piggies out there . . . oink! oink!! . . . which reminds me . . . here's more of that little ditty from Heywood Banks . . . "Oui monsuier bonjour coquette . . .  on hon croisoiant on vous a vere . . .  morishe vour  Eifel Towere . . .  oui marie baguette bon soir . . .  [Chorus] FRENCH TOAST!! FRENCH TOAST!!" . . . woo hoo, woo hoo hoo . . . oh, they used to be angry and miserable . . . but that was before they turned their lives around . . . now they're miserable and angry . . . zoinggg! ding! ding!!! . . . where else are you going to find that kind of chatological reasoning? . . . well, chategorically speakin' -- where else . . . but the ol' Hall Clock?!! . . . whrrrr - boink - boink! . . . before the game, the implication was ominous . . . "...bears have been known to double back on ya..." . . . I 'spoze so . . . but lots of 'em have been known to cover the cold, cold floor beneath your feet . . . Colts 29 - Bears 17 . . . I mean, it's not as if everything is wrong with the world. . .  it's been freezing again around Hilton Head . . . while some wouldn't expect the *frigid cold*. . . it did not 'sprize me none!!! . . . brrrrr!!! . . . say, that young judge runnin' for re-election in Elwood has quite a background. . .  check out this link from NASA. . .  and see for yourself. . . check out "who" knows?!! . . . you'll be surprised when you read it for yourself at . . . 

http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/image_feature_749.html

       . . . truth . . . is stranger than the ol' Hall Clock . . . now it's the Shadow . . . and NO ONE knows . . . whatta guy!!? . . . woo hoo, woo hoo hoo . . . if you remember Sam Hollies Quality Dry Cleaners . . . at 1507 Main Street . . . and at 1926 Main Street . . . you just might qualify as an old f. . . uhh, fogy . . . ping! ping! poingggg!! . . . well, I finally did it . . . I changed the message on my answering machine . . . "Hello. Welcome to the United States. Press *1* if you speak English. Press *2* to disconnect until you can." . . . tick, tock, tick . . . there is a Stumper of the Week . . . seems this little thing couldn't understand why her toothpaste . . . didn't make her teeth stick together?!! . . . man, I just Doan know . . . it stumps me . . . ah can't make noggins or fannies of it . . . ring - a - ding - a - lingggggg!!! . . . well, it's time for our Quip of the Week . . . and no male wrote this one . . . it came from the Blue Computer . . . it read, "Fab Feb is a really good title for the Megaphone! Oh...Abe and Georgie's pics were fab too...looked jus' like 'em!" . . . c'mon, now . . . how could she possibly know?!! . . . maybe she's a mite older . . . than you pondered!!? . . . hoo dawgies . . . oh well, here on the Hall Clock . . . buss routes, a bowling bat, dummy yearbooks, malaprops, a general with a capital C, squirrels (too numerous to mention), those ponderous pondering sessions, losing your whey... in a thesaurus . . . and old relics (I know... you thought they all were) . . . all make the world go 'round . . . doinggg! dingggggg!!! . . . yes, I am the Hall Clock . . . and I approved this message . . . that's about all it takes . . . there's plenty more where that came from . . . IF... there should ever be a next time . . . tick, tock . . . blessed are the peacemakers . . . sooo, call me . . . Plain Tex' . . . I won't feel so . . . rejected !!! . . . zoinggg!!! . . . but for now, just run along . . . or I shall taunt you a second time . . . try sending more of your priceless Fwd:s to all of your friends . . . maybe you're ready to tackle a few more games of Solitaire . . . whutever . . . you just seem to love redundancy . . . bloinggg - bling - bling!!! . . . you may now have the last word . . . sooo, listen up . . . if you feel you wish to reply to the ol' Hall Clock, do not put statements in the negative form . . . boing! boing! . . . well, that's my story . . . and I'm stickin' to it . . . well, maybe not "permamantly" . . . you'll just have to take your chances . . . whoops, Doan forget . . . beware the Ides of March . . . and green beer . . . but for now -- we're gloing . . .  gloing . . .  gone! . . . (Snicker - snort) . . .    ; )    . . . oh well, no matter!!! . . . it's time for a little Spaghetti Aglio Olio . . .    : )    . . .  tick, tock, tick . . .