May 2007                                                The Megaphone                                                     Page 7

Volume 350                                                                                                  May 2007

You thought so many editions of the HALL CLOCK were totally uncalled for . . .

Yet you anxiously awaited this next edition . . . 

Only now do you realize just how much of your life is in shambles . . .

But so what?!!

              _{. . . COLTS 29 -- BEARS 17 . . . OK, SO NOW WHO'S LORD OF THE RINGS? . . . WOO HOO, WOO HOO HOO . . .}

Just close your eyes.

Image the notions stated herein are yours. 

 Your life will become something much like . . . a vapor lock!

In case of emergency . . . GOOD LUCK !!!

So You Want to Go to Someplace Expensive? 

   . . . tick, tock, tick . . . the ol' Hall Clock . . . where it's said children still have a sense of wonder... and later become blunted . . . nonsense! . . . a child takes things for granted and most people get no further . . . only an old person... who thinks... is aware of the wondrous . . . sproingggggg . . . sooooo, as a service to everyone who's in such a hurry these days, the ol' Hall Clock will now be available only once a day... every day... all day long . . . tickity, tickity, ding - ding - dong! . . . yep, the ol' Hall Clock... "She drives me crazy . . . Like no one else . . . She drives me crazy . . . And I can't help myself... " . . . sung to the tune of... "She Drives Me Crazy" . . . you Fine Young Cannibals, you . . . boing! boing! binggggg!!! . . . you do remember the Fine Young Cannibals, don't you?!! . . . ding! whrrrr . . . at least the view on your computer's monitor . . . is actual size . . . ring - a - ding - a - lingggggg!!! . . . after a couple of years of sessions, my therapist said something that brought tears to my eyes . . . he said, "No hablo ingles." . . . doinggg! dink - dink!!! . . . hey, what did you think of that photo of Mercy Hospital from 1949?!! . . . why, it seems like only yesterday . . . Mercy!!? . . . a Green Jay?!! . . . you don't mean the beautiful Cyanocorax yncas, do you? . . . then why didn't you say so in the first place?!! . . . whop! bam! boom!!! . . . speakin' of ol' Butch Hahn . . . back in the old days, he had a mean hook shot from anywhere on the court . . . tick, tock, tick . . . the score was Colts 29 -- Bears 17 . . . OK, soooo now who's Lord of the Rings?!! . . . woo hoo, woo hoo hoo . . .  one day JJ said she wanted to go someplace expensive . . . so I took her to the gas station . . . ting - a - ling - a - ding . . . ahh, those intriguing mental images from Ann O. '59... a little rascal whose ears were bigger than his stomach?!! . . . I don't care who you are, that was funny right there . . . ting, tang, wally - wally, bing bang . . .  who would have believed that there could ever come a time when *The Big Three*... referred to Japanese car companies? . . . whrrr! bing - bing . . .  whut's this? . . . an honest-to-goodness Planet X?!! . . . it seems for the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable . . . almost Earth-like . . . and -- it's relatively close... in galactic terms... only about 120 trillion miles away . . . where's Duck Rodgers when you need him?!! . . . boingggg! bing! . . . accounting for what we frequently see around here... just wait long enough... and some will embarrass themselves . . . the truth... is stranger than the ol' Hall Clock . . . woo hoo, woo hoo hoo . . . poor ol' Danny W. '57 . . . he's letting some induhviduals lead him astray . . . yeah, thanks to them, that inane *Free Bar-B-Q Grill* Fwd: ?!! is making the rounds -- again -- that' what he gets for hangin' around those T. boys . . . yeah, A. and B. -- they were in the loop . . . sooooo, the Town Crier is still at it, huh?!! . . . gee, I hope they don't make me open a half can of "I don't care" on 'em . . . sproingggg! whrrrrrr . . . speakin' of Fwd:s... whut's up with all of the *pink* backgrounds on the ones Dallas H. '50 is peddlin' these days?!! . . . don't open 'em . . . those off-color backgrounds will scare the beejeebers outta ya . . . boom ditty, boom ditty, boom!!! . . . ol' Brother Ben '55 wondered, " Now I have stepped up to the plate, don't you wish I had not done so?" . . . au contraire, Brother Ben... no wild swings... and you didn't strike out... sooooo, you're still up . . . keep swingin' . . . ding! ding! doink!!! . . .  ol' Dewey gave us some food for thought . . . "Do you realize that in about forty years... the Golden Oldies will be Rap music." . . . nope, Doan thin' so... rap is crap . . . always has been . . . always will be . . . just ask that young whippersnapper, Josh . . . he may not *get* the Hall Clock . . . but he knows all about cra... uuh, rap . . . toinggg, tick . . . honk if you think Bush should be given another term . . . we can settle on the facility later . . . boinggggg!!! . . . maybe someone will provide him with... *security briefs*?!! . . . aaaaaarrooo woof woof . . .  uhh, Doggie... you're gonna have to watch that *Bologna Beauty* Cindy Cindy (it runs in the family) . . . she admitted she was, "...going to Story..." . . . wouldn't be the first time either!! . . . aaaaaarrooo woof woof . . . FM radio 104.9? . . . huh? . . . *The Wolf*? . . . wonder how she'd feel about... wolfburgers?!! . . . aaaaaarrooo woof woof . . . here's a medical tip for this month... food goes great... with codeine . . . clang! clang! . . . ya know, I'd really love to tell ya about *??????* . . . but let's wait for stress levels to drop just a little . . . tick, tock, tick . . . gee-zooo, let's hope Louise M. '56 got over that bad case of being *buggy eyed* from that phone call from Flori-DUH . . . Louise, was it the phone number... or Florida... that was disconnected or is no longer in service? . . . whoop! whoop! whoop!!! . . . "... blankies..."??? . . . tick, tock, tick . . . who cares... what Tony The Tiger said?!! . . . I mean besides NASCAR?!! . . . hot dang, ya'all, ah swear . . .  heh, heh, heh... did you see this one from... *RipYaOff Land* . . . it was Wednesday, April 4, 2007 . . . about 1:31 p.m. . . . the Subject: was... *It's the White Death!!!* . . .    : )    . . . her missive warned, "It snowing!! I mean snowing! We have a bout 4-5" now. The weatherman just that it's just a taste of what's to come tonight!  It happened the last time I was left alone up here in the mountains! I hope John doesn't go anywhere in July!  Becky M. '68... " . . . well, of course . . . even the ol' Hall Clock knows you'd want your *John*... all year long . . . woo hoo, woo hoo hoo . . . if you remember Joe McDoakes . . . you *R* an old f..., uuh, fogy, that's it . . . an old fogy . . .  ping! ping! poingggg!! . . . there's another Stumper of the Month . . . if the address of the old Edgewood School was 901 N 16th Street... why -- for years -- did the phone book list the address simply as *N J*?!! . . . I dunno... it stumps me... maybe you have an i-deer??? . . . Sis! Boom! Bah!!! . . .  well, the Quip of the Month comes from Sandy (Beasley) Laub, '56... "Thank you all for the messages and cards of condolence for the loss of my brother, Ron. Many made the trek up here to pay their respects. It was certainly heartwarming to see and hear from old friends and some of them only knew about it through the Den site. We are so lucky to have a medium such as this to keep up with Elwood news." . . . now that's whut ah'm talkin' about . . . thanks so much, Sandy...    : )    . . . oh well, here on the Hall Clock . . . great hook-shot artists, Fine Young Cannibals, Planet X, Bologna Beauties, certain induhviduals, the real Lord of the Rings, security briefs, the White Death and doin' without your *John* . . . and a good old-fashioned reminder once in a while . . . all make the world go 'round . . . doinggg! dingggggg!!! . . . yes, it's the ol' Hall Clock . . . approved and published whenever I feel like it . . . and while there's plenty more where that came from . . . this past few days should remind everyone... NO ONE KNOWS... if there will be a next time . . . tick, tock . . . blessed are the peacemakers . . . soooo, youse can call me . . . Sugar Pops . . . most everyone else... already does . . . zoinggg!!! . . . but for now, just run along . . . or I shall taunt you a second time . . . well, there went our plan to eliminate extraneous, superfluous, unnecessary redundancy and repetition . . . "... So you gotta let me know... Should I stay or should I go?" . . . in the meantime, try sending more of your priceless Fwd:s to all of your friends . . . maybe you're ready to tackle a few more games of Solitaire . . . bloinggg - bling - bling!!! . . . you may now have the last word . . . sooo, listen up . . . don't let that name Captain Klutz fool you . . . I'm not a real captain . . . boing! boing! boing! . . . "Well said!!!" . . . I still can't believe that one . . . whoops, I meant... well, that's my story . . . and I'm stickin' to it . . . well, maybe not "permamantly" . . . you'll just have to take your chances . . . but for now -- we're gloing . . .  gloing . . .  gone! . . . (Snicker - snort) . . .    ; )    . . . but do be careful... *Geezer Power* will only get you so far . . . "... And the thunder rolls" . . . whrrrr - boink - boink! . . .